How big is your beer cellar?

There are, in English, purportedly no two words more beautiful than "cellar door." As a recovering academic and former English teacher, I still never quite understood. Until I heard about beer cellars, that is.

Most beers, being perishable goods, aren't really designed to hang around for a someday pour. The hops start to fade and the quality degrades. "Born on" dates and such (remember 2009?).

While home brew and other freshly bottled beers peak in flavor 2-3 months, others (not unlike most people I know) mature with age, improving over time in character and complexity. Particularly barrel-aged versions, barleywines, lambics, Imperial Stouts (and so on).

Admittedly, I've not had the restraint foresight to cellar my beer. Although I suppose it's only a step away from waiting months on end for homebrew that'll be drinkable roundabout August (when a beet porter is unlikely going to be my top seasonal beer pick).

I know, I know. Get a keg already and quit my whining. All in good time, friend.

Meanwhile, I'm wondering about your beer cellar. Ya know: bottle count, MVB (most valuable beer), that kind of thing. Wanna? Here's what you do...

Name (first, last, nickname, whatever): 

Location (City, State): 

Total bottle count (numeric):
The actual size (in inches) of your cellar: length X width

What you use for your "cellar" (custom shelving, etc.): 

Where your cellar is located (living room, basement, closet, etc.): 

Date established, length of evolution (in months, years):

MVBs (most valuable and/ortreasured beers):

Handles: Facebook, Twitter, Untappd (etc.)

Of you, your cellar, your favorite beers 

(extra points if we get to see through your cellar "door":
cause I'm a nerd like that)

A beer-related short story (300 words or less): you're "best pour", your "sweetest" beer score, etc.

Questions?

1. Yes, you can be a dude. 
2. No, I don't have to publish your story if it's racist, rude, homophobic, or other asshattery. 
3. Featured on Wednesday's when a slot is available.
4. Bonus points for spell-checkery, grammatical awareness, and other courtesies.